Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I'm way more happy than you

I am in an eternal state of bliss! In other words, I am SO happy! I bet you're not as happy as me. There's no way you could be. And the people who I USED to hang out with should know, they could never make me as happy as the people I hang out with now! You should feel inadequate about your ability to make people feel THIS happy. You may have made me chuckle a little, but the NEW people are so much better. They make me feel actual happiness. Work on your happy-making skills. And try to be as happy as me. It'll be hard. You probably won't be able to be as happy as I am right now since I don't have to rely on your shoddy happy-makingness anymore since now they are people who are happy to make happy me, who is happy. Wait, not even happy. Blissful. (note: This is a joke. I'm just joking around. I'm being satirical. My old friends are good, too.)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Truth #8

My mind has been in a somnambulist state of meditative stasis. Now I am awake and in balance with the universe. My chai is all warm and yummy. I can walk without making a sound. I can think without formulating an actual thought. To be in pure tantrum harmony, read my blog today!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Dr. Kaurh "I know, cause I'm a doctor!"

Signs of depression can include ass, probability theorem, tightness while dancing, cough, look at me!, ovary, rocketman, a tooth, nieces and nephews, rotting corpse, stop, interior wood paneling, shadowbox, mookie, frob, gog, snax, equal partnership, plurals, opinion, spraying yourself in the eye with an air-freshener. Those are the only symptoms known by medical science stuff. Buy my new book: DR. KAURH: They don't use rail guards on skateboards anymore. Didn't they help you rail-slide? No, the weight wasn't distributed no good. And plus, the rail guard could possibly snag on the edge of a curb or rail! Thanks

Sunday, February 26, 2012


"I laughed a couple of times, but Words That Are Wise Blog is tired. It's just random thoughts, and a bunch of misguided jabs at new age staples like meditation, yoga, and horoscopes, stuff that really helps people. Whoever does this blog should keep his day job!" --Anonymous Reviewer, deceased (1994-2012) R.I.P.

Friday, February 24, 2012

HorrorScope #4

It is February 24th in the year of our Lord 2012. You are Pisceans. You're alright. You're malleable. You are sensitive to the feelings of others. You are popular with all people. You like tacos. You brush between your toes. You will win the lottery. You will read your horrorscope.  You think you're sooooo SPECIAL!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Movie Preview: The Turtle Has Landed

In a world he didn't understand. In a time of violent chaos. One man, standing alone. Against all odds. In a race against the clock. Standing alone. In a world. Chaos. Odds. Clock. Standing. Understand. Race. World. A. He. All. Time. In.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Truth #7 Dinner with Richard

Hello there, Mr. I've-had-a-bad-day! You weren't treated quite as nicely as you would have liked? You feel as though your ego has been trampled like so much dung underfoot? You want to feel better about yourself? Well, then why don't you try to look OUTSIDE rather than in? You have been mesmerized by your own image as the slighted martyr on the cross. Look out at that big world. Be concerned with something other than yourself for a moment. Oh, and can you pass me a napkin?